Goodbye, Old Hat

Years have passed now, and the mystery of the missing hat is still unsolved ... although I do have "a person of interest" in mind.

The last time I recall seeing it was when I put it in the laundry. It never came back. That would seem to limit the number of suspects ... possibly to just one.

I have the feeling that one particular person, a very dear friend who used to pretend she wasn't with me when I wore that hat, gets the feeling that I think she did it. Not so. You're all under suspicion. Nobody leaves the room.

It's possible, of course, that I ... of all people ... might, in a moment of delirium, have thrown the hat away. I'd hate to think I did that to my faithful, trusting, trusted old hat. I really would.

I would sort of like to know what really happened to it though.

I don't even have a picture of it. The original had never, to the best of my knowledge, sat for a portrait, nor even had its photo snapped by someone mistaking its wearer for a celebrity.

So I had to resort to a stunt double to illustrate the poem about its plight ... and (sniffle-sniffle) mine.

The double, of course, is a younger version of the vanished one, but it's gradually becoming ... well, quite comfortable, like an old pair of shoes.

But now, the poem:

GOODBYE, OLD HAT

"My old brown hat is gone!"

I cried.

"When did you have it on?"

she sighed.

"This year, or last.

Time goes so fast."

"The one rumpled, crumpled,

and torn?"

"Yes, yes! Tattered, spattered,

forlorn.

Twenty years my best buddy ...

all that.

My oldest, dearest friend,

my hat.

Now it's gone, left no trace.

I'm wild ..."

"I'm sure it's, uh ... someplace,"

she smiled.

And, looking me straight in

the eye:

"But it was time to say

goodbye."

© 1997

(originally published in Capper's)

***

Today's word: vanished

Afterthoughts ... in response to your comments:

I know what you mean, Featheredpines ... those guys aren't inclined to listen, no matter what you say ... talking to them ... raising your voice, even ... is about as futile as shaking your fist at those pesky squirrels. Whoa ... "The Hat That Went Missing" ... I can see that one in a book (go ahead, if you wish) ... and on the big screen, too. And thanks for introducing me to Mr. Frumble ... and that poor hat. I just hope mine isn't wandering around out there someplace ...